Saturday, October 6, 2007


I wish I could say that I really wanted a third baby. But I REALLY was happy with my two children; a little boy and a little girl. Verbal. Potty-trained. But when Tony came home from Iraq, he really felt strongly that we should consider having another baby. So, not wanting to tell a man that I adore (and that had just come home from a war-zone, no less) that I wouldn't have another child, I consented to try...for one month. We agreed that we might be moving and that we really didn't want to move with a tiny baby and therefore, our window was very small. What I really figured was that we'd never get pregnant in a month (we've NEVER gotten pregnant in a month) and then I could talk Tony out of it after the move. Well, the Lord knew how much this child needed to come to our family.

I wish I could say that I really wanted to be pregnant again. Pregnant women are so beautiful. Not me. I'm ghostly white and painfully skinny for the first 4 months and then awkward and starving for the last 5. And this pregnancy was the worst. SO sick. Three separate picc lines. Five months of laying on the couch each night taking two bags of iv fluid and vitamins. I wish I could say that even after I felt the baby move that I wanted another baby. And oh, the torture I put myself through because of the guilt I felt for not wanting another baby.

Even after he was born and we saw that he was a healthy, beautiful boy, and we named him Joshua, I still wasn't sure I was ready for another baby.

But after that first night alone together in the hospital room, nursing him, changing him, kissing him, I fell in love. And I knew what my husband and the Lord knew all along...that he was meant to be a part of our family.

So today, baby Joshua, on your 6th month birthday, we are so blessed. Blessed to have you, blessed to love you, and blessed to know you. May you always live in sunshine, my little one.


April said...


BeckyRuss said...

You put it so beautifully!! Even though we've only seen little Joshua once--we are so in love with the little guy! We are so grateful that you went through all that hardship while you were pregnant to bring Josh to our family. He's adorable and we love him and all of you!! Love--Russ and Becky
p.s. Those pics are to die for!!!

Kristi said...

He is definitely a keeper!! Love the big grin on the last picture, what a cutie!!

How are you feeling? I hope better!

Anonymous said...

That is one precious baby, and we
love him to pieces. Happy 1/2
Birthday, Joshua! Cute, cute

the grandma

Rosanne said...

I love your honesty. You are a beautiful person with a beautiful family. I'm so glad to know you! Miss you much!